Introducing 'Vera'; 2017-05-16

Andrew Sanders Bot v2.3

Wouldn't it be geat to catch up on your email and then get all of your work done as easily as this:  "Vera, is it a good idea to offer a Buy One, Get One (BOGO) deal on Jeep Wranglers during June this year?"

Oh, and get the complete answer in about 10 minutes?

Yes, it certainly would be.  Perhaps the greatest issue facing Analytics professionals in the future will be to disguise how easy it is to do our jobs  ...I'm sure there will be a conference for that in Vegas...

Of course, we all know that developing the processing power might be just around the corner; but being able to trust that an AI can know many of the nuances of a particular business, make reasonable assumptions, correct all the data abnormalities that are certain to be present, and then apply proper and reasonable forecast methodologies is a problem without a direct path to an AI (at this point).  

Still, it's good to dream.  

But "Vera" as described above, is already here and available to you - today.  We just call it DataVeracity. 

Plutopia is Elon Musk's very own planet; 2017-05-15

Andrew Sanders
Aleksandr Zykov / Flickr

The new home world of Elon Musk is named Plutopia.
It used to be the planet Pluto, prior to being de-categorized as a planet, then became the planet Pluto once again. (Yay, science!).  During this bit of planetary scizophrenia, Mr. Musk was able to see an opportunity and he officially bought the planet.  In this 'first ever' planetary ownership transfer, the U.S. Department of State served as lead negotiator representing the interests of the people of Earth.  
Terms of the sale include: a $775M sales price (reduces to $625 if Pluto loses planetary status again); open immigration policy for 200 years, exclusive contract for power on the planet awarded to Tesla, and finally, Mr. Musk is required to launch Nancy Pelosi into space by end of the year.

When asked for comment, Mrs Pelosi's representatives did not immediately return our call.  Her staff are apparently overcome with joy and hope for the future. 

Russian Vodka discovered in White House; 2017-05-13

Andrew Sanders
Anonymous / Bing

Members of the press were shocked to get proof-positive regarding White House collusion with Russia during the campaign.  Not only do we now know that Russian Collusion happened, but so did Russian Infusion.  Who the hell makes a baclava-infused vodka?  The White House is in full 'Red Alert' crisis mode trying to replace all the vodka on site with Grey Goose, or as it is sometimes called, Freedom Vodka..